Desmond Cusick's Diary

Rajini Singh has more brains than I gave her credit for. Mother will have to be moved again, if someone like Singh can find her so easily. Damnable woman.

She told Mother of my little gift, and then said that she extended an invitation to have me attend her fashion premiere show. She failed to mention that it was only my tail she wanted to see.

It ought to be Singh's head I leave on someone's doorstep next time. She has distressed my mother and forced her to undergo another move.

All this just as news reaches my ears of Charon and his cronies branding cats with the Slaver's Guild's seal.

I believe more than one head will grace a doorstep come the end of the month.

A little sabotage is always good for the spirits. What Ilse doesn't use in her clinic will turn a nice profit on the black market. I regret that the super-drug could not be employed, but placebos will still deal damage.

I am proud of my clansmen. They pulled this off well.

( 'Couriers.' [Zu, Lorelei; NPCed Jorge (among other names), Gib, Sam] )

With the help of a bought-off sailor, the Blood Meridian replace Bruce Benedict's drug supplies with placebos and make off with the real drugs. Another sailor is stealthily killed. Jorge's name is often forgotten. Business as usual for everyone's favorite terrorists.

Guildmistress Decarabia met with me today. It seems that my attempts to hide my work with the Blood Meridian have been in vain. I don't know how she found out, but it would seem that this secret is safe with her. There are benefits to working for a deeply closeted shifter, especially one so powerful.

She made me a substantial offer.

If the Blood Meridian had the backing of the Merchant's Guild . . . my God, the possibilities are endless.

I will prove myself.

Radovan has promised to fetch more of the pills, but he was hesitant, just as Ilse was. I don't understand why. There is no shame in murdering the children of those who would murder ours.

( 'Prove yourself. If you can prove even a match for all the Slavers and Hunters, making your dream become reality... I'll give your Blood Meridian the complete support of the Merchant's Guild. That I promise.' [Decarabia] )

Desmond meets with Decarabia, and the two briefly discuss Desmond's work in the guild, and also his connections to the Blood Meridian.

( 'We can make allies, taking on a common enemy as one. But what happens afterwards? When the enemy is taken away? You can't take a man when he's close to you.' [Radovan] )

Desmond meets with Radovan to discuss the possibility of getting more of the pills to slip them into Bruce Benedict's supplies. Desmond gets counselled on his actions.

There was a hunter attack last night. Lorelei was injured; Jillie and Roger were killed. Murdoch was the hunter's name. The same Murdoch that threatened to turn Jackson into a purse.

How could they have been foolish enough to allow themselves to be taken? Three cats, one hunter, and yet the only corpse I see is one of my own. Have I brought weak idiots into my midst?

It so happens that this Murdoch frequents the services of one Ian Calen. I should have known he was a hunter-sympathizer. Arrangements will be made to stake out the Belfry, and once we get a positive identification and an opportunity, there will be one less hunter to worry about in Bleaker.

No one takes from the Blood Meridian with impunity.

( 'There was a hunter, sir.' [Jackson] )

Desmond learns from Jackson about the events surrounding the deaths of Roger and Jillie. He learns that Murdoch is behind it, and that Murdoch and Ian are pals. Jackson wants to be a terrorist.

There are few ills in the world that a good hunt cannot cure.

I hope Ilse enjoys her present.

There are people staring at me. I must look a sight. If they only knew just what I have done.

Dear God, what have I done?

I have grown too soft. I lost sight of my goals. Now I have lost everything dear to me.

How could Gretchen do something like this? How could she have forced me to make such decisions? How could she have let Babenkov get such a stranglehold on her?

Mara is dead. Hung in the Belfry with her throat slit. I have killed her.

I know now what I must do. The children will be moved to a halfway house, now that they are healthy. Let the system of Bleaker decide where they fall.

Raven and Aaron will stay with me.

The children will be adopted out as soon as possible. There will be no prosthetics. I shall sink the funds into something more worthwhile--something that will further our goals. Weapons. Explosives. New headquarters. I have discovered a large building in Old Koreatown that will suit nicely. It is spacious: three stories, and the basement has potential for several prison cells. Perhaps we will finally get Pierce a proper torture chamber. We can set up a proper infirmary for Il We can set up a proper infirmary as well.

Amy will be released once we have moved. She will be no threat once we are relocated. Perhaps I can set her on someone or something. Muldoon, or Babenkov.

I will purchase the building tomorrow.

We will strike at Earl Sharpe's zoo on Friday to liberate those who are imprisoned there. I will put a call out to all Blood Meridian members in the morning. We will begin nightly patrols to combat the increased slaver raids around the city. They will be met with violent force.

Raven and Aaron will

Raven and Aaron will stay

I never should have lost sight of the cause.

Ilse.

( 'Ah'shoulda beat the fuckin'livin'shit outta you when I found out about the fucking rat and the goddamn hands and the bullshit that was up behind my back when I /helped you hurt them/.' [Ilse, Callisto, Raven, Sunshine, Brandie] )

Desmond and Ilse deal with a minor problem concerning the children. In the middle of it, a drunken Callisto barges into HQ. There is a brief scuffle that ends with Callisto tranquilized, and Desmond with a dislocated shoulder. Log part 2 of 2.

Today has been one of the most difficult, harrowing, and exhausting days of my entire life. And throughout it all, there was one underlying theme: Ilse. It is very strange that one woman has consumed my days so easily.

Ilse and I spoke of our relationship tonight, which was likely the singlemost draining event of the day. Usually at this point in a relationship, I find it best to withdraw, but Ilse is much too important for me to leave, and I speak not only of her worth as an ally. I truly am fond of her.

Of course, I am not fond enough that I will entertain thoughts of marrying her or producing children with her. I have not changed so much as to drop to such a level. Me, a father! That is a most unappealing thought.

Callisto paid us a visit tonight, in which she managed to dislocate my arm. She was obviously very drunk, screaming about the children and Muldoon. I'm afraid the children were quite terrified--they witnessed the entire ordeal.

I am not a man who seeks drugs as a means of escape, but I am so very grateful for the painkillers Ilse has given me. It is quite nice to have her next to me tonight, after all that has happened.

I could certainly use a cigarette. This was a fine time to give them up.

( 'I am fond of you, Ilse. There should never be any question of that.' [Ilse, Callisto, Raven, Sunshine, Brandie] )

Desmond and Ilse discuss their relationship and come to the conclusion that they are "fond" of each other. After this is discovered, Sunshine interrupts with news of Raven wandering away. Log part 1 of 2.

Amy has made excellent progress, as Ilse and I discovered today. I'm pleased. After Ilse left the room, Amy actually spoke out and demanded a large box and extra water. I take this as a sign that she is learning decisions can be made on her own.

Tonight, I discussed the Darla plan with Ilse. I do believe she liked it. Now all that remains is to discuss things with Darla herself. I don't believe she will have much of a problem with it.

I did not realize just how much I had missed Ilse until tonight, when I held her in my arms again. I believe I have grown rather fond of the my wolf doctor. I am undecided as to whether or not this is good or bad. It is certainly risky. Very risky.

( 'We waste our time with Navarre.' [Ilse] )

Desmond and Ilse discuss the plan to employ Darla as a means of swaying Angelo to their side of things.

That Finch fellow isn't so bad, as far as hunters go. I wouldn't trust him to stay in the same room alone with any of my kin, but he's fairly decent. I hope Mara is willing to put him up for a few days, if Navarre chickens out. Of course, the Wolf Lord is just the sort of man to invite hunters into his midst.

I cannot wait to see Kitten's face when he sees his present.

Ilse was not at her apartment last night. I'm going back to Tower View to pick up her trail again. I must admit that I'm very worried for her.

OOC Note: Attached to this entry is a photocopied note, which can be read below:

Dear Guildmaster James Muldoon (Kitten):

In light of recent revelations, I thought I would extend my sincerest apologies. It seems that I have misjudged you. I had no idea you were so inclined towards certain practices. It's made me realize that your position as guildmaster of the Slaver's Guild is simply a cry for help. You are denying your true self, Muldoon, and that is a shame. You deserve much better.

To prove my sincerity, I have enclosed an item that I thought you might enjoy. It was chosen with great care and your specific tastes in mind. I was told by a little bird that you had lost your previous one, so there is a tag attached as a precaution against future loss.

Wishing you all the best in your relationship,
Desmond Cusick

P.S. And how is Mrs. Muldoon taking this? Not well, I suppose. It's all well and good when you betray her with another woman, but a man? That must be so very insulting! I hope she understands.

I could have killed Mara tonight. I wanted to. For every patronizing look, for every smug expression, for every righteous smile--all this while she was doing what she did. Who she did.

I could have killed her.

But I didn't.

I didn't, because before me was a broken woman. Someone who had been so violently betrayed by one close to her heart that it had shattered her. Mara Phoenix, whom I have known to never once break down, cried in front of me tonight. No punishment in the world can outdo a broken heart.

Nor can any punishment exceed that which is given by one so broken-hearted. In a way, I almost feel sorry for Muldoon. Were he a human being, I might. I find it amusing that he calls my kind animals when he is much more one than I.

This new alliance lifts my spirits. I can only hope that Navarre's band will follow suit, in time.

I must find a new hat in the morning.

I wonder if Ilse has waited for me as I asked her to? It's late; I wouldn't be surprised if she slipped off. I wonder what she'll say when I tell her the news?

( 'I am at your service in all things, in all ways.' [Mara] )

Ilse was informed of a slave--a Komodo dragon shifter--heading towards Headquarters with the intent to eat the children. For once in our long rivalry, Fenrir's Children and Blood Meridian actually combined to fend off this threat. I hope it is a sign of things to come.

The offender is now secured away in the basement. She's a confused girl, but I think she will come around with the proper incentives. Perhaps she will be swayed to our side. I don't think her intention to eat the children was born of malice.

Not moments after subduing the girl, I received a summons to go visit Mara Phoenix. Alone, it specifically says. I do not know what the guildmistress could possibly want, but I am in very little humor to listen to her if she dares to spout any further excuses for Muldoon.

( 'BAD BAD STUPID STUPID CAT!' [Angelo, Amy, Callisto, Zu, Ilse.] )

The exchange happened tonight. I thought it had gone well. The freed slaves arrived at Headquarters without incident, dressed in long woolen cloaks. They were greeted at the door--every one. They seemed happy to be free, yet there was something in their eyes. I didn't know what it was until Wes told me what they had discovered upon receiving the younglings.

They were all missing their right hands.

I will never forget their eyes. Never.

And I will make certain that Muldoon bears the same expression before he dies.

I stopped by Headquarters to bandage myself after my encounter with Magda. Whilst I did so, Jackson came in and insisted that I help him deliver some food, clothes, and toiletries to Babenkov. I tried to refuse, but I was too tired to keep up much of a resistance.

Ilse came in while we were down there. I played my part well; I don't think she suspects a thing. She assessed my wounds, bandaged me, and we set off on a quest born of her cunning mind.

We met up with Callisto and a man named Hicks, who is responsible for the recent bombings at Kings Cross. He is a mutant with the ability to control sound, which explains why the blast wasn't heard for miles around. Accompanied also by Jackson, we set off for the Slaver's Guild.

I never thought spray-painting a building could be so enjoyable.

We didn't get away completely unscathed. Muldoon showed up and blasted at Callisto with that elephant gun of his. It tore off half her face, but she survived and, in fact, regenerated every bit of flesh lost. She has a remarkable healing factor.

To celebrate, we all went to Hicks' establishment--Hell, located in Foul Bay--for drinks. Ilse indulged herself a little too much and challenged Callisto to a battle of dancing. Fortunately, we were able to coax her off of the bar before she made a fool of herself. Though I certainly wouldn't mind seeing her dance in private.

Callisto makes me wary, at least in the case of Ilse. I have a feeling that if I ever hurt the good doctor, I'll have a very angry bear-woman after my skull. Though I really have no intention of hurting Ilse, it makes my desire to keep my encounter with Magda all the more secretive. It's fortunate that I have no further plans to meet up with Magda.

Tonight was a very good night. It has been so long since I had so much fun.

OOC Note: View the log for this entry here.

I thought I would visit Gretchen at the Siren today, but she was absent, unfortunately. No matter; there was plenty of amusement to be had, and the bartender who mixes the excellent martinis was there. I discovered one Lorelei Meinkoth, whom I have seen around but never actually met. She really is a pleasant creature, but we sadly didn't get to speak much. Avery and Angelo showed up, which really highlighted my evening. There's little more amusing than watching Avery squirm. He made a remark about myself being a man who often suffers from unrequited love. Now isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

At any rate, I discovered that Angelo is still as palpable as ever, especially when his 'brother' isn't around. He's still very upset over his father's blatant refusal to seek justice for the murder of his mother. One can't blame him, really. I think with a little extra nudge, Angelo might be persuaded to turn against Navarre, effectively destroying the old man's ideals and, more importantly, bringing Fenrir's Children about to my side of things. Then Blood Meridian and Fenrir's Children can unite, providing a powerful front to our opposition.