Desmond Cusick's Diary

It is impossible for me to deny my feelings for Ilse. I cannot let the Blood Meridian force me to abandon her. And I won't.

I was a fool last night. I let myself hurt two very important women in my life. Nick was right: I should not have forced Gretchen to make such a decision. Then again, she should not have presented one such decision to me. And I should not have allowed her to. I need to find her today and set things right.

One thing I am grateful for is the light that I have been shown. I have been far too idle, allowing myself to grow soft. The children are to be adopted out. With any luck, they will all be gone by this time next week. Publicity has drummed up quite a lot of sympathy for them in the general shifter populace, and I am sure homes will be easy to find.

Meanwhile, I will be purchasing the building in Old Koreatown today, and I will begin furnishing it immediately. The sooner our base of operations is moved, the less likely we are to be rooted out. Too many people know the location of our headquarters now. It is time we changed districts.

I look forward to seeing what interesting little toys Zu finds for us. Tearing down this zoo will be a pleasure, as will be the thwarted slaver patrols.

It's time the Blood Meridian renewed its reputation.

( 'It is /your/ vision that is meant to be guiding them. A true leader can admit when he is in the wrong, certainly -- but if you are not, there is no reason to break under such pressure.' [Navarre, Ilse, Finch, Alexis] )

After the big blow-up at HQ, Ilse retreats to Finch's house, where Navarre is paying a visit. Desmond follows. The couple make up, and for once, Navarre and Desmond semi-sorta get along. Or at least Desmond doesn't snap at the Wolf Lord.

That Finch fellow isn't so bad, as far as hunters go. I wouldn't trust him to stay in the same room alone with any of my kin, but he's fairly decent. I hope Mara is willing to put him up for a few days, if Navarre chickens out. Of course, the Wolf Lord is just the sort of man to invite hunters into his midst.

I cannot wait to see Kitten's face when he sees his present.

Ilse was not at her apartment last night. I'm going back to Tower View to pick up her trail again. I must admit that I'm very worried for her.

OOC Note: Attached to this entry is a photocopied note, which can be read below:

Dear Guildmaster James Muldoon (Kitten):

In light of recent revelations, I thought I would extend my sincerest apologies. It seems that I have misjudged you. I had no idea you were so inclined towards certain practices. It's made me realize that your position as guildmaster of the Slaver's Guild is simply a cry for help. You are denying your true self, Muldoon, and that is a shame. You deserve much better.

To prove my sincerity, I have enclosed an item that I thought you might enjoy. It was chosen with great care and your specific tastes in mind. I was told by a little bird that you had lost your previous one, so there is a tag attached as a precaution against future loss.

Wishing you all the best in your relationship,
Desmond Cusick

P.S. And how is Mrs. Muldoon taking this? Not well, I suppose. It's all well and good when you betray her with another woman, but a man? That must be so very insulting! I hope she understands.