Desmond Cusick's Diary

I knew she still loved me.

( 'I saw a ghost. Told me that I still loved you.' [Ilse] )

Ilse has a house key. She vaguely references her meeting Gretchen, but sleep happens before any connections can be made.

OOC Note: Backdated to the 16th.

I really have missed this.

( 'And having lips in the middle of a piece of sandpaper helps.' [Ilse] )

Ilse drops by the house again for drugs. Or snuggles. Or drugs and snuggles. And she gets both.

OOC Note: Backdated a few days. I fail at journaling, so I'll add to this later. Meanwhile, have a log.

( 'I've never even BEEN loved back, and even /I/ know what the FUCK IT LOOKS LIKE.' [Ilse, Callisto] )

Ilse breaks into the house to steal pills, and Desmond happens to find her on the bed when he gets home. The usual joyous emo happens, and Callisto becomes a relationship counselor. A breakthrough is had.

OOC Note: Backlogged a couple of days.

I hate needles. I don't understand how Ilse could do such things day after day.

Even without hair, she is so beautiful when she sleeps.

( 'Yer naked... 'n naked people...little'r no fluence...ciety.' [Ilse] )

Desmond breaks into the abandoned Jenell Braun Memorial Clinic for medical supplies and winds up being surprised by a wounded Ilse. The two treat their wounds and fall asleep on a mattress.

OOC Note: These are just Desmond's thoughts, since he's in no form/position to be doing any writing.

She still loves me. I can tell. She can deny it all she wants, but I know.

I still love her. That is obvious.

I have missed this.

There were rats in the alley. I will bring her one.

( 'Why are you doing this, Desmond?' [Ilse] )

Dinner at the Cusick residence now involves throwing apples, Zero Tolerance, and angst. BOY OH BOY.

I owe much to Joshua. I owe him for Ilse's life--and there is no value that could possibly match that.

I owe much to the Kargas for their kindness and understanding.

I owe much to so many. I fear I will never be able to repay it all.

I think it is time to rearrange the house again.

I could have

I should have killed

She kissed me b

I will send her thi

She had no righ

If she wants her things, she can send someone for them.

( 'You and Navarre have the same damned brain, just in two different skulls.' [Ilse] )

Ilse returns to the house to get her things. Fighting(?) occurs, of the bloody and somehow-not-fighty kind. There are gobs of emo. Wheeee.

All of it was a lie. She never lo

She has grown weak. I never should have paired myself to

Callisto was right: there are things in the catacombs that I should not like to see. Never again.

OOC Note: Backdated a few days.

Alistair gave me a name--Marcello or Marcellus Diggs--which Ilse had given him. I still do not understand how he fits into things. He is another vampire, but there was not much more information. I will ask Ilse about it when I can, but I will investigate myself as well.

Huruma mentioned being emotionally attached to Alistair and his home. She said that it keeps her calm, prevents her from causing chaos. Curious. I wonder if Alistair is at all aware of this?

Ilse is alive, but she is not here with me now. At least I know she is alive. I wonder if I ought to keep tags on her, as Huruma suggested. "If found, please return to Desmond Cusick, 283 Sundowner Townhomes, Upper Level."

Perhaps I shall have it engraved on her ring.

( 'She was... speaking as though I might never see her again. I'll admit it was a touch disconcerting.' [Huruma, Alistair] )

Desmond follows Ilse's scent to Alistair's house and makes a few inquiries there. Desmond and Huruma briefly talk about her "captivity".

Ilse RP. I will edit both placeholders tomorrow morning, after I wake up.

While collecting dues today, I ran into one of Charon's goons--a ridiculous young girl who was calling herself a "superior creature"--Jackson, and Ilse. It would seem Charon's wolves are as egotistical as their leader. At least she had the good sense to keep her head down in the presence of those above her.

I am such a fool sometimes.

Franklin Gravenmyre will be taken down. This is good, though I wish the Meridian could be a part of it.

( 'Don't you trust me to handle it?' [Ilse] )

She has seen the zoo. I should speak to her about the layout and conditions in which they were kept, but not now. She is too upset. It must have been horrendous.

By the sound of things, the shifters within are extremely domesticated and disillusioned. They may be too soft to be of any use, but they are not the ones that interest me.

Grass is surprisingly comfortable.

( 'There was a wolf. He was so... like a *dog*.' [Ilse] )

Ilse returns home after seeing Alistair's zoo. She is decidedly rattled and upset. Sleeping out on the grass happens.

Ilse's pack is not as strong as she had first led me to believe. The way she speaks, it is as though all hope of the wolves being of any use in this situation is hopeless. Perhaps it is time Charon's Claws were eliminated by feline means.

Ilse is home again tonight. I wonder if she came home for comfort, or to keep me from doing something rash? At least there was not a repeat of the incident in the kitchen.

I will go hunting soon.

Ilse is home. Even if it is only temporary, even if she is leaving in the morning, Ilse is home.

I shall have to see about a customized chessboard. Nothing like Charon's; cats against wolves is so droll.

Charon. I dislike the reports Ilse gives me of Charon. If he is seeking to stomp out other packs, it can only mean that he plans to conquer the wolves of Bleaker.

( 'I'm going to go try and resuscitate a pillow.' [Ilse] )

Ilse comes home unexpectedly, and the two discuss Charon, the Ferals, chess, and the house décor.

Such fleeting encounters make the bed seem all the emptier, but I am grateful for them.

No sugary cereals.

Really, I should just send the children to Mother's, but then Ilse would find it difficult to visit them in the afternoons. It is terrifying to take care of them by myself, even if that care is only in the mornings and the evenings, before the sitter arrives and after the sitter leaves.

( 'I see how you randomly molest women on the street. I think you just might miss the company.' [Ilse] )

A brief rendezvous in a dark alley allows Desmond and Ilse to discuss prosthetics, the recent drug-sabotage, and the children.

Chi non ha moglie non ha padrone.

I obey her rules, and yet it is not enough. It's bad enough that she is female, but perhaps the fact that she is a wolf makes this all the more difficult. I am trying to bridge a gender and species gap.

Charon hurt her. And I can do nothing about it. Nobody can.

The hunt helped, but the lecture afterward did not. It seems whenever I come home after a hunt, I will be met with hostility. Perhaps I shall not come home after hunts.

It is very difficult to understand some of the things she does, but I am trying.

Ilse is leaving again. I wonder if Mother would be willing to take the children again? There is so much to be done in the Meridian, with the upcoming sabotage, the promise of a hunter being brought into our midst, on top of matters at work. I might take a page from Ilse's book and stay at Headquarters for a few days.

I shall see about couriers tomorrow.

( 'So now all the Acerbi will know that my mate has killed a wolf. But not just killed. *Hunted* and killed. *Intentionally.* How exactly is this supposed to be a good thing? Because I'm really not getting it, Desmond.' [Ilse] )

After hunting and slaughtering Anton, an unaffiliated wolf, Desmond returns home and scares the babysitter. Ilse also returns home (but she doesn't scare the babysitter). She is decidedly Not Pleased with Desmond's choice of prey. Desmond learns that Charon is responsible for the bruise, and also that Ilse will be spending more time with her pack. A letter correspondence idea is brought up.
This is a platonic log.

Goddamned wolves.

Can't protect Ilse. Ruin everything.

Go hunting.

Broke a chair.

Not a monster.

( 'And what would you do if I told you? You'd go in and be noble and then really fuck things up for us. You think your kittens are our only problems? At least they're predictable.' [Ilse] )

Ilse comes home with a bruise on her face, and Desmond is Not Pleased. So Not Pleased that he savages a kitchen chair and gets drunk. He then tries to piece the chair back together. With duct tape.
This is a platonic log.

I am not a father, and I never shall be. Let the children think what they like. Let Ilse think what she likes. I will never be a father.

I don't know how.

( 'Sure, you'll never be their *actual* father, but you can be the closest thing they'll ever have to one. Is that so bad?' [Ilse] )

In which Desmond's eating habits are chastised discussed, and his status as a father guardian is questioned.
WARNING: . . . do I really have to say anymore?

Perhaps I am weak, but I do not feel that this is a bad thing. Or perhaps it is a different sort of weakness. There are limits to my weakness. I can only be pushed so far.

I love my Ilse, with all my heart.

She wished me a happy Father's Day. So did Mother. They are both gravely mistaken, for I am not a father, and I never shall be.

Still, this is perhaps the best Father's Day I have ever experienced.

( 'I believe you once told me that you are the brains, and I am the brawn--and the brawn, dearest, is not always the nicest.' [Ilse] )

Father's Day in the Cusick/Braun household involves a tie, which leads to a little misunderstanding and a little emo. It also involves Ilse being crowned the Empress of Bleaker, then de-throned, and a short talk and demonstration on dominance in its physical and mental forms.
WARNING: Yaddayaddayadda, makeouts and sex, you know the drill.